Since they have decided to stop showing it on TV for awhile, I was forced to rent it from Netflix. As it turns out the version that Spike was playing was pretty heavily edited, so this turned out to be the right decision. Back are all the Fuck's, Shit's, Chicken Dick's (?), and topless 80's women that made Road House 1989's quintessential Kung Fu-Bouncer-Philosopher movie. And there was a lot of them.
Also restored was about 20-30 minutes of footage, one scene in particular which establishes Arch-Nemesis Brad Wesley not as the cold-hearted extortionist holding the town under his thumb, but as a misunderstood (and meandering) music lover just out for a Sunday drive. They also established Dalton's love of ripping the throats out his adversaries. Both alluded to and then later executed. Good Stuff! Apparently network television is opposed to men punching other men in the dicks, as there was about a half dozen instances of this that didn't make the Spike cut.
I was even right about him not taking out Arch-Nemesis Brad Wesley as Love Interest Whats-her-Name would have never forgiven him. He had him down and was all ready to punch him in the dick and rip out his throat (hand in the perfect claw form for such a thing) but he chooses love. Live and let live Dalton... live and let live... True to formulaic movie plot lines though Arch-Nemesis Brad Wesley isn't out of the game yet and had a third gun secreted on his person. Fortunately for Dalton he was gunned down by the Old White Man Brigade that until now hadn't been able to stand up to Wesley.
The movie ends with him and Love Interest Whats-her-Name skinny dipping and making out in some sort of tropical lagoon. Or it might have been the pond by Wesley's house. Not sure, there wasn't any sort of slow panning establishing shot to tell me what the fuck was going on. The largest multiple homicide in Jasper's history (self defense!) just happened 100 feet away and your getting busy in the man's pond? How much you want to bet the Old White Man Bridge was watching from the bushes?
So all and all it was a pretty good time. Probably would have been better if I would of had some beer. Seems like a beer sort of movie. Of course this is coming from the guy that was pissed off they didn't serve alcohol at the Circus. Greatest show on earth my bored sober ass, you fuckers!
I was going to propose some rules for a Road House drinking game but they have already been perfectly covered here:
The only thing I would have added would be a drink every time someone breaks a bottle over someone else's head. Or maybe every time someone gets punched in the nuts.